Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
