Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
