The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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