the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
