Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
