i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
