Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
