It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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