Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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