oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
