I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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