How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
