all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
