i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
