So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
