This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just had sex on a roof
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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