How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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