the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
