yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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