there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
