in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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