Tell her she can't have a vagina
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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