"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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