He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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