another moral hangover. fuck.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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