She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
