im having a threesome with these popsicles
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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