dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
