I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
