doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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