one word: firstdatebathroomanal
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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