so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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