Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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