Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
