i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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