Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
