9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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