New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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