Cold hands, warm shart.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
