I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
