And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
