Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
