Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
