On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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