Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
