she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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