It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
