i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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