also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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