I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
