i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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