is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
